California to Pay People’s Citations…Unless you’re a Republican

Los Angeles, CA – The California legislation, which is known for its awesome decisions, passed a bill which states that having people pay for traffic citations is too harsh and could trigger upsetting episodes. Judge Mike Johnson, of the California Supreme Court, explained that “The crimes of speeding, reckless driving, or driving without a license, are just excuses for cops to stop our wonderful illegal population and harass them.”

But, as Police Blotter Five-O has uncovered, the bill has a small clause that has caused turmoil to some. According to the bill, the state will refuse to pay any of the listed citations if the driver is identified as a Republican. A spokesman for the California Legislature stated that “Our taxpayers should not foot any citations incurred by any hateful people. If they can’t accept that there are multi-gendered, multi-sexual, multi-grain, multi-level, tree-loving people, then we won’t use the little money we have to pay people’s tickets.”

Upon hearing the news, the Republican Party stated: “Nothing surprises us from those dirty hippies. I’m sure that as California’s income falls because of lack of money coming from traffic citations, they will tax their citizens for using more than two plaids of toilet paper.”

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