Denver, Co – An officer with the Denver Police Department has revealed to his acquaintances and workmates something that is traumatic and unfair: As a SWAT operator, he is in need of small, tight shirts that make him look awesome. The officer, Steve McBean, confessed his frustrations to his closest friends, hoping that he can find a resolution to his quagmire.
“I work really hard in the gym to make sure that my SWAT green shirts revealed every muscle in my body,” said a proud McBean. The officer, who is a 6 foot tall, 220 lbs monster, can’t seem to understand why the size S shirts he bought can’t fit him. He also believes that having to wear normal shirts make him look like a “regular” cop, something that he is just not willing to accept: “Who’s gonna pay for my hairspray, tanning sessions, and cool glasses, if I can’t look the part!?” also noted McBean.
A GoFund account has been created to help the officer find the head out of his ass, and donations are in the thousands.