Mirroring Pres. Trump, Officer Pepper Sprays Whole Neighborhood

Palm Beach, Fl. – An officer with the Palm Beach Police Department, after seeing the resolve displayed by President Trump in Syria, decided to do the same in his patrol area. Officer Mike Colton, who works in a rough area of town, has had many problems with individuals bringing crime and corruption. These individuals deal drugs, push rackets, and intimidate people who live in them. So, Officer Colton decided that he had enough. He then found all the cans of pepper spray available at the station and decided to go on a mission.

The officer modified a racket-ball launcher he had at home and adjusted the size of the cannon to fit the issued cans of Pepper Spray. He then attached the launcher to his car, drove around the areas of the neighborhood where the criminals stayed and then, without fear or prejudice, activated his launcher to send the gift of two million Capsaicinoids upon the criminals, with the courage of a F-18 American Naval Warfighter. The results: A highly saturated air full of pepper spray, bringing many people in the area to their knees; Not so much in a sense of surrendering, but as a measure of the pain they felt.

While Officer Colton is not employed with the department any longer he does not regret his decision: “I figured that if Pres. Trump could get so much results with one simple bombing attack, I should have too…maybe comparing Tomahawk Missiles to pepper spray wasn’t the best choice,” said a kind-of regretful Colton.


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