Oakland, CA – An officer with the Oakland Police Department has announced that he is seeking to be granted a prescription for medical marijuana. According to the officer, he is in need of alternative methods to help him with his biggest pain: His Chief, Mark Sanders. The officer, James Statton, said that he has tried to get help in many other ways, but nothing seems to work.
“I just can’t take this pain in the ass,” remarked the officer when asked about it. According to Statton, his chief continuously, and as a matter of routine, has an opinion about everything he does, even though this chief hasn’t been a field cop in 30 years. Some of the ways the chief bothers the officer include the time when he put Statton in a “productivity improvement plan” for only bringing 30 arrests in a month. “Forget about PC, just arrest everyone,” said the chief, who apparently hasn’t caught up on current constitutional guidelines for officers.
Officer Statton is looking for a marijuana prescription so that he can zone out and forget the nonsense coming out of the chief’s mouth. If his request is granted, officer Statton’s actions could bring about changes in medicinal marijuana for cops, but not so much on pain-in-the-ass chiefs.