Obama to Pardon People Who Voted for Him.

In the last days of President Obama’s Presidency, an extraordinary number of commutation and pardons of felons, spies, and even terrorists took place. From pardoning drug dealers, turkeys, and even commuting the sentence of Chelsey Manning, a known spy of the war against terror, Obama has outdone himself. Yet, in a unprecedented and surprised move, Obama has decided to pardon every person who voted for him as his last gesture as president.

“I want to personally pardon everyone who voted for me, specially those who actually believed that I was going to fundamentally change this country. Well, I did, but not in the way they thought,” said the outgoing Commander in Chief. According to internal sources, Obama’s chief of staff made the President aware of how much of a f***k up he has been, and how they only way to make good of his time in office was to pardon every American who voted for him.

A source close to the Obama administration told Police Blotter Five-O that among some of the ways in which Obama wanted to pay back the people who voted for him included reimbursing them for the gas money they spent going to vote for him, or by giving every voter an unlimited allowance of alcohol to kill the pain.

 

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