Newly Promoted Sgt. Promises to Make Micromanaging Great Again

Mobile, AL. – Supervision of police officers is a science in itself. To go from being one of the guys to be in charge of “the guys” requires special skills. Thankfully for the City of Mobile Police Department (MPD), Officer Frank Schneider successfully took the promotional process. On his first meeting with his new squad of officers, now Sgt. Schneider firmly explained to his troop that successful supervision required micromanaging at its best, that this country had let down its traditions for too long, and he was the man to bring them back.

According to Schneider, officers do better when they have their supervisors next to them in all calls and activities, questioning their every move, and second-guessing their decisions. “I do it for them, for I know that without my constant badgering and experts opinions about everything, they would be lost,” said the 4.6 feet tall Schneider.

Some of Sgt. Schneider’s actions as a first-time supervisor are to make his subordinates call him every 15 minutes and report their actions, type their reports only after he dictates their words to them, and use the bathroom facilities only for 17 minutes and with the use of 23 toilet paper squares. “I believe with all my heart that these changes are what this department needs,” said the 4 1/2 year veteran of the force, who apparently was promoted after being the Chief’s driver for 3 years.

In related news, and without explanation, Sgt. Schneider’s squad of officers quit the force, citing that they “would rather work for Satan himself because at least they would burn for eternity without the prince of darkness questioning the manner in which they burn.”

 

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