Liberal Police Chief to Troops: Stop Being Mean to Criminals!!

The 200 member police department in the city of Santa Rita, California, has changed its top ranking officer from a staunch Republican Chief to a Democratic one. After a not-so-close election, the police commission selected Jim “Jimmy” Lawrence as their police chief. While Johnson has little experience in patrol, investigations, tactical operations, or even use of force training, he spent the last 25 years in the department’s community outreach unit.

At the swearing-in ceremony, conducted at the city’s Boy and Girl’s Club, newly-elected Chief Lawrence called on his officers to “Be nice to criminals”, and to “Hug a thug once in a while”. The Chief, who was accompanied by a “New Age” priest, and was introduced by a Hipster Quartet, also explained the audience that during his administration, officers will be able to kiss babies and provide safe spaces for criminals who feel harassed by his officers. One of the most groundbreaking policies by Lawrence is the removal of the word “Criminal” from defendants and replacing it with “Law-obedient Challenged.”

When officers, who went to the ceremony and heard the new Chief’s vision, were asked about him, some said: “What the f*#!k”, and “S#!& My Life”, which is an indication that the department is moving in the right direction. After being interviewed about his radical positions, Chief Lawrence stated: “I think that President Obama would be proud of us, and of our vision. At the end of the day he though Hillary was innocent, and so do I.”

**Update: After a month into the new Chief’s election, the Santa Rita Police Department saw a mass quitting of its force and an increase in crime of approximately 110%.

 

 

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